Xanax / klonopin

Please no judgement I am anxious already and don’t need someone yelling at me and telling me I’ve been being dumb when I already know, I know risks and benefits and right now the benefits outweigh risks for me.

Hi everyone, I’ve been suffering from severe GAD, panic disorder, OCD, and CPTSD. I’m on 2mg 2x a day as needed. My psych is comfortable with me doing what I need although when I started benzos even when low doses weren’t working I limited it to 2-3 days a week. I’ve had a really bad week. Started an IOP and my anxiety has been through the rough. I’ve misused my prescription a bit. Just switched to klonopin from Xanax, she said my max dose was 3mg Xanax, there were quite a few times I took 4 or 5mg in the past and was NOT high with NO intention of getting high but looking for desperate relief due to how my panic attacks make me feel. She switched me to klonopin again as I said 2mg 2x a day as needed. I’ve been taking them more than I want to be. 4x a week on average. She’s fine with it but I’m nervous. I didn’t say this to her because I refuse to lose access but again there’s been a few times I ended up taking a full 4mg at once instead of split and 2mg later in the day. It’s been really the last week where I’ve had a few days overusing the klonopin, and the Xanax was on and off and I took long breaks in between where I could manage the panic or took smaller doses. Am I fucked? 6mg of klonopin in a day I know isn’t recommended, and I’ve done it like 3 times over the past week. I do plan on speaking to her about my worsening anxiety and frequency of taking it (she says she has no rush getting me off whether it’s a year or two but will safely get me off of them when it’s time and my other meds finally start working. I can’t explain how many different meds I’ve tried before turning to benzos. But am I cooked for my misuse or “abuse” if you want to call it that? Is my tolerance cooked forever. Plz give advice I’m scared panic attacks make me feel so passively s\*I dial and I don’t leave the house without taking something. I’m also probably gonna run out a tiny bit early bc the bottle says take 1 a day as needed, but her message to me said 4mg is max dose in a day. SO IDK please help I am panicking a bit about this and feel guilt I just am desperate for relief I really really can’t keep living like this. I had a natural high tolerance and I just feel absolutely insane it’s driving me crazy.