Where To Begin

My therapist told me I need to start journaling, but I sit here not knowing what to write. So I decided that maybe how I'll journal is by writing letters for different situations. Might be just me venting about work. Or for something in the past. Idk. But it'll be in letter form. If I remember. And if I stick to it, I suppose. So my first letter will be a text that I sent to my younger brother:

To Whom It May Concern (I didn't actually write this part but it's how I am going to start my letters):

Good morning. I've started therapy and it's stirring up things within myself. I always felt that I had to protect you when we were kids, when I wasn't kicking your ass. Lol.

But I couldn't protect you from mama. I was too afraid of her to protect you although I wanted to so bad, I couldn't. And I am sorry for that.

I know she isn't the same person now that she was when we were kids, but it doesn't change the past. I am not angry with her anymore, haven't been for a while.

But this was something that has always been with me. It's something that has always sat with me, that I couldn't protect you from the very person who was supposed to be our protector. Please forgive me bc I am still, after all these years, trying to forgive myself! I love you.