I’m trans. I’m American. I have CPTSD. I just need some tips on how to endure.

Hi. I’m a 26 year old man who currently has to live with what “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” would deem as a “passive parent” due to the fact that I am disabled (for reasons beyond CPTSD). I can’t count on them for any sort of understanding or assistance beyond the most bare minimum needs being met. This arrangement is the best I am able to work with until further notice. I’m not in a progressive blue state but I’m also not in a dangerous red one either. That said, the fact that I’m transsexual (this is my preferred term and best describes me as I’m partway through medical transition) and diagnosed with CPTSD (since I was 20) have made me feel like I’m a frog in a boiling pot.

I’ve done a lot of work to minimize struggling with mean world syndrome and to help with my emotional regulation. I’m not actively hovering around the news but trickles get through no matter what and I know better than to believe “ignorance is bliss” and I just… don’t have any options besides staying where I am and enduring.

Please. That’s all I want some advice with. Just how to endure. I want to live and I’m scared. I’ve been crying for over two hours today after reading the latest Erin in the Morning article and I just don’t know what to do because my current efforts to cling to survival aren’t helping. My CPTSD has been in overdrive the last couple of weeks, and this is despite measures like successful TMS therapy and access to a therapist and psychiatrist. Everything that I thought I had escaped from my fuck-ass childhood is everywhere, everything now.

Sometimes I feel alone when I lurk here because I feel out of place as a male survivor and because I’m not sure how many other trans people are here. Usually, the fact that I’m trans is background noise, but lately it’s been like a constant alarm bell, even though it’s not something I can control or outrun.

I’m not sure if I’m making sense at this point. I’m just scared and tired of tears, panic, and catastrophe because of the country I’m stuck in.