Any tips on accepting love?

I’ve been married to my husband for ten years. I was actually in remission from my symptoms for a while but then I accidentally crashed his car and that sent me into a downward spiral that I think may have set me back further than I’ve ever been before. It’s been years and the self hatred that event sparked has completely grown out of control. It’s making me a bitter and angry person. I used to be so sweet all the time. My husband tries so hard to be validating and he says and does some of the most seriously sweet stuff… but instead of feeling heartwarming, it makes me feel disgusted. Like I tricked him. I can’t even feel butterflies when he does something romantic anymore… every compliment just feels like an insult.

This goes for my friends too. I’ve isolated from them a lot and I can’t accept their help or praise.

I’ve been in therapy for years. I take all my meds. I do the DBT and the meditation and the yoga and the journaling and the veggies and the self help books and all the endless fucking maintenance that goes into keeping me at a pitiful excuse for a stable baseline… but I feel like I’m getting more closed off and hopeless every year. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know what else to do.