Sweet Treat

I wrote this about starting a new relationship and carrying a lot baggage...

Sweet Treat 

I am paralyzed with indecision 

I am stuck in a place of feeling entirely too much and somehow not enough 

I can’t ask for reassurance, because then I will be seen as a burden 

And I’m not good enough to feel assured regardless 

I don’t want to ask if you hate me, because I know you don’t 

But I do need to know how you feel towards me 

And sometimes knowing that it’s not hatred is all I can must to ask 

It’s simple, I know the answer 

I wish I could forget every time I’ve been made to feel small or too much 

Because you are different, right? 

I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m scared to learn when I do the wrong thing 

Are you really that easy to push away? 

If you knew how fragile I really was,

Would you grow distant for fear of breaking me? 

Not out of care 

But out of thinking about how much effort it would take to put me back together? 

Or would you take the time to build me back up piece by piece 

Into someone worthy of love in my eyes 

Someone who is neither too much or too little, but just enough 

Someone who doesn’t panic over sending a simple text 

I want security

You are secure

But I am not secure in myself and that scares me 

Does that scare you? 

If I break down once a month because I do not know how to fix myself?

If every ounce of doubt or dislike I sense sends me into a spiral of questioning my self worth? 

We’re supposed to build each other up, right? 

But my foundations are faulty and everything you’ve built me up to be in fragile 

Eventually we will have to start from scratch 

But before, I will have to bare my soul to you 

Show you the cracks in my foundation 

And that feels like being entirely too much, showing you exactly why I feel not enough