Postpartum depression?

I think I am dealing with postpartum depression and OCD. I am exactly 4 months pp today. The past 3-4 weeks I’ve been feeling hopeless, unmotivated, resentful, angry, and anxious about things that don’t even make sense. I was also exclusively breastfeeding until roughly a month ago, but had to put baby on formula due to GERD.

The intrusive thoughts are exhausting. I have no interest in anything anymore, partially because I know I don’t have time for hobbies, but also because I just don’t care about anything. I quit my job to take care of the baby because the cost of daycare was too high to justify continuing to work, so it’s just me alone all day with him. Most days I struggle to perform even basic personal hygiene. I spend a lot of time crying and frustrated with myself and my baby. I want to sleep 20 hours a day because it’s better than being awake, but obviously I can’t do that.

I miss my old life. I miss having things going on in my personal life other than changing diapers. I feel like I’ll never have any accomplishments in my life other than birthing a baby now that I’m a SAHM (which I don’t personally consider an accomplishment). I feel like I’ll never have the opportunity to have my own life and friends again because I don’t have a job. I don’t want my whole personality to just be “being a mom.” My husband is military and deploys soon. I have no family or friends here, so for the foreseeable future it will just be me and an infant. I wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable just handing my kid off to a family member or friend anyways because we’ve already tried that when he was younger and he ended up crying the whole time and staying awake much longer than he should’ve.

Not a huge fan of talk therapy because I already intellectualize all my feelings. I know my patterns, my current situation, how I get in my own way, etc. I’ve been on SSRI’s before, but they made me feel numb and I did not care about anyone or anything. I already take Adderall for my adhd. Does anyone have any other experiences with medication for postpartum that isn’t an SSRI? Everything I read about starting meds is scary and the adjustment period seems like hell. I’m just not sure I’m mentally stable enough to handle feeling worse for a few weeks than I already do before it gets better. Thanks.