19M - I suspect my dad is a narcissist. Am I overreacting, or is this emotional abuse? Seeking an outside perspective.

Hi everyone. I’m 19M, and I’m making this post because I desperately need some outside opinions. I want to know if what I’m experiencing is as bad as it feels, or if I’m overreacting. I suspect my dad has narcissistic traits based on recent events, but I feel like I’m constantly second-guessing myself.

Background & Early Childhood For the first half of my life, my mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad was the sole provider, he wasn’t around much. My memories of him from that time are scarce, but one sticks out: in 2nd grade, he picked me up from school and asked how my day was (a practice that has continued for most of my life say for the last couple of years, a change which promped him to tell me that he is scared and insecure about what im actually doing if I dont tell him but that "its my choice but that he would like me to do it more often"). I was distracted and didn’t answer. His response was to ground me for days. I wasn't allowed out of my room except to use the bathroom or if I was explicitly called. Later on, when I was about 10-12 and my brother was born, both my parents changed careers specifically so my dad could be more present. Now they both work, and since he has been home more, the environment has changed drastically.

Since he’s been around more, I’ve noticed a pattern of relentless behavior: Constant Verbal Jabs: Day in and day out, he comments on everything I do. My walk, my haircut, my lack of religious belief. If I talk about subjects I’m interested in, he puts me down. Severe Controlling Behavior: I have borderline panic attacks about getting home before 9-10 PM. Every time I leave the house, I have to give a strict itinerary: where I'm going, how long I'll be, who I'm with, and exactly when I'll be back. If I deviate from this plan, it caussed massive fights that lasted a few days. Threats: He often threatens me with physical violence. He hasn't done anything major, but when I was younger, there were shirt tugs and light slaps to the back of the head. Alcoholism: He drinks heavily, about 6-8 liters of beer or 2-4 bottles of wine almost every day after work. He rationalizes this by saying he’s "never been physically abusive."

The breaking point was my 19th birthday: We were playing poker at my grandparents' house with my friends and parents. My dad was pretty drunk and joined in, criticizing everything I did, calling me dumb and inexperienced. At one point, a friend won a pot of about 200 chips after betting 1 chip. My dad completely misunderstood the rules and insisted all the money should go to him. When my friend and I tried to explain, he called me a sore loser and said I had no idea what I was talking about. I’d had enough, threw my cards down, and walked away. My girlfriend and friends followed me out shortly after. Later, we fought over text because I refused to "just come talk to him." He told me I "wasn't a man" for walking away. For the next two days, he was highly aggressive, at one point aggressively yanking something out of my hand when he asked me to give it to him. When I finally told him I just wanted a genuine apology, he gave a mocking, half-laughing "sorry if you couldn't take it. You will ne grateful for these harsh words later in life." When I pushed for a real, genuine, apology, he started screaming, asking if he should grovel at my feet. He later texted me, calling me ungrateful for the "disingenuous food, clothes, expenses, and roof" he provides. Exhausted, I ended up apologizing to him just to end the conflict.

A recent incident pushed me to finally post here. My girlfriend and her friend were over. My dad came home, said hello, and we all replied. He didn't hear my girlfriend and was surprised she was there when she walked out of the bathroom later. When she came back to my room, she jokingly asked if my dad didnt have a problem with me being alone with other girls when he knows I'm in a relationship since that’s what it looked like to him. We talked about it for 5 minutes and moved on. A week later, my dad blew up at me. He accused us of judging him behind his back in his own house. He complained to my mom, calling my girlfriend's friend a "f*tass." I initially defended myself, but eventually caved and apologized for being "defensive" just to keep the peace. In that same discussion, he brought up Valentine's Day. My girlfriend ended up taking a taxi home at 1 AM because she had early plans the next day. My dad told me I was treating her "like a wore" and that if the taxi driver rped her, it would be my fault. I apologized for this too, even though I entirely disagreed. Finally, he pivoted to my academics. I'm studying law and recently failed an exam (which I'll retake in the summer). He told me I'm stagnating and blamed it entirely on my girlfriend, saying she "takes away my energy." In reality, she has been my main source of emotional growth and stability for 3 years. He told me I need to start planning my "inevitable exit strategy" for our relationship.

I am just looking for advice. Am I crazy? This is not at all everything but this was long enough and I think it gets the point across. Is this situation really as bad as it feels, or am I overreacting? Any perspective would be highly appreciated. I will be answering questions in the comments. Thank you.