Just how I’m feeling

Do you ever find yourself thinking about things and then think “wait, isn’t that suspicious?” Like you’ve been following a train of thought that didn’t actually make sense or was misaligned with your values or who you are? I find myself following things in my head that are like I’m convinced that catastrophic things are going to happen in my life. That my vibe and energy is causing destruction around me. But then I kind of catch myself and am like “that doesn’t really make sense for being a human, and for who I am.” Like that’s not actually how it works here on earth, that catastrophic things happen constantly and you can just destroy everything. There is some stability and structure and flow to things and things change often. I feel a ton of fear about how I’m affecting the world, like I’m watching myself express something that isn’t me constantly and then worrying about the effects of it. But then I remember that I’m not a pure force of destruction, that I’m a human and that means I’m a creator. That maybe I don’t have to worry as much. But it’s hard to internalize that because I feel a lot of fear, but I wonder where that fear is coming from. It’s hard to find grounding, I think my heart is broken. Thanks for listening.