Is my friend controlling or am I just overly sensitive on this trip?

I’m currently in Tokyo with a friend and I’m struggling with how she’s been treating me. I need outside perspective because I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if something is genuinely off.

For context: I have a chronic back issue from a childhood fracture. Walking long distances, especially inclines, can flare it up. I’ve been in a lot of pain on this trip and constantly need to sit down. My friend knows about my condition.

Here’s what’s been happening:

• She walks very fast and doesn’t really wait for me, so I’m often trailing behind. When I mentioned how much pain I was in, she said it’s probably because I’m “getting old” or not used to walking (I walk just as much when I’m in Korea and don’t have this issue).

• I ordered chocolate waffles for breakfast and she asked if that was “too much chocolate for the morning.” I said to her “no it’s the perfect amount”. I had a Coke during lunch and she asked if I’ve considered cutting out sugar for my acne. My acne has been getting better since I changed my skincare routine and I know what works for me. I’m sorry but we’re on vacation we need to live it up!!

• I was looking for my receipt in my bag and I found it on the table. I look over to see her looking through my bag and she commented on how much I carry. I have caught her going through my bag and commenting on what I “really need” in it.

• She points out obvious things like syrup and butter at breakfast when I didn’t add them to my pancakes, as if I didn’t know what they were. That’s just so weird to me like we’re having pancakes and she’s telling me “that’s syrup, this is butter”. I don’t like syrup or butter so I don’t want it on my breakfast like I don’t need to explain myself?

• My husband is in South Korea so I go there frequently to visit. I know how to get around Korea and I must say I’m very good! I’m more confident there than I am in New York. It’s hard for me to get around Japan with not knowing the language and currency like my friend does since she always visits here and I have only been here 4 times. I might be moving to Korea sometime soon and my friend told me that she can’t see me living there due to my lack of knowing the language and currency. I had to convince her that I do know the language and currency (which is all true). She does know Japanese from anime’s snd the characters being similar to her language while I know Korean through my husband. I get that she can’t see me living in Korea but the visa process is so stressful that it’s hard for me to hear it and I feel like she has no right to voice that so openly.

• I FaceTimed my husband and his grandma for the lunar new year. Ok yes, I was pretty excited when I saw her and was talking a bit loud. I love my in laws sooo much and his grandma means the world to me. I don’t see her often and I wish I could see her more. When I was talking to her, my husband, and my father in law my friend kept glaring at me and seemed uncomfortable. I remembered the times she told me that Japanese people are sensitive to loud noise and people who are loud. She also gets awkward if I get excited and talk a bit louder there are many times she says “shhh” to me. I guess compared to them me being Italian-Americans and my Korean side are loud. But I don’t understand why that sets her off? I miss my family so much and I only see them 5 times a year. Anytime I can talk to them makes me feel happy and complete. Also, when I talked to them on FaceTime I wasn’t in a subway or restaurant I was outside at a park with not many people around. I know a lot of people think Americans and Italian-Americans are loud but I’m very quiet and reserved. When I’m happy or excited my voice does go up in pitch.

• She told me watching me pack stresses her out and said she’s “too OCD” for how I pack. I said to her “do you wanna know what stresses me out? when people watch me pack” and she stopped from there.

• She’s very particular about photos. At places like we went to Shibuya Sky (which was freezing, dark, and hard to photograph), she had me take tons of photos and would get upset about angles or how they turned out. She even had used my phone as a makeshift ring light. When I didn’t care about retaking mine, she critiqued those too.

It feels like a constant stream of small corrections and commentary. Individually, each thing seems minor. But together, it’s making me feel infantilized and incompetent.

I’m confident and independent when I travel in Korea (where my husband lives). I navigate fine on my own. But here, I feel like she subtly positions herself as the capable one and me as the one who doesn’t know what she’s doing.

I don’t know if this is:

• A control issue

• Anxiety/perfectionism on her part

• Cultural differences (she’s Chinese and has mentioned things like noise sensitivity in Japan)

• Or if I’m just emotionally overwhelmed and taking things too personally

Has anyone dealt with a friend like this while traveling? Am I being too sensitive, or does this sound like a pattern of subtle control?