I don't know how to stop my body responding as it does.

My Dad is a narcissist and my Mum had BPD, she died 8 years ago. So much stuff has unfolded since her death, loads of grief and trauma, so I'm in a bad place and carrying a lot, including a traumatised husband and a traumatised kid, and my life is a lot. I'm 3.5 years into counselling and although there's been a huge amount to work through, I have made progress. I barely have contact with my Dad now. He let me down many times growing up, and many times before and after Mum died. And many times when my baby was critically ill for months. And thereafter I tried to keep up contact with him, and at some stage I asked him to schedule in visits with me and my kids, and he said "I know this sounds bad but I just want to spend all my time with (new girlfriend right now)". And something in me just snapped. And I think it's around then that I started getting bad abdo pain, and it was usually in relation to any contact with him. And I also just find it very hard to come down from that? I have to exercise some serious self care to stop my tummy hurting and my heart rate to come down and just not to feel like my whole world's falling apart and the scariest place in the world. Generally I see him once every three months or so and only if he makes contact. And literally, I haven't had any tummy issues. Well he did something really hurtful to my brother last week and it literally feels like he did it to me. It hurt me a lot last night!

I don't know what I'm asking. I don't think I'm realistically going to have less contact than this. And I am happy with my boundaries. I just don't know how to stop the psychosomatic pain.