Why do people have empathy for neurodivergent people, but not for neurotypical people who are struggling in the same ways?

I've been thinking about how people who are neurodivergent seem to get a lot more empathy for the way they act compared to those who aren't. I'm not saying they shouldn't - If they have a condition out of their control that makes them act differently, then that should be acknowledged and respected.

What I find unacceptable is when neurotypical people aren't given the same grace.

An example: Someone in my life got quickly overwhelmed/overstimulated in a situation. Other people in the room didn't understand it. She then explained that she had autism and ADHD and so it's hard for her to tolerate so much happening at once. Everyone was immediately understanding and apologetic and did their best to account for this (as they should).

The problem I have with situations like this is that it seems as if people's tolerance of the person's reaction relies solely on the fact that the person explained they were neurodivergent.

Let's say a different person was in that situation - someone who's neurotypical, but still struggles with overstimulation due to their personality or some other reason. They don't have the neurodivergence label to lean on. So, when people question them and they respond with something like "I get overstimulated easily because that's just the way I am" I guarantee you that is going to be met with a MUCH more negative reaction. People will show less empathy and view that person as simply someone who's "weird" rather than accommodating for neurodivergence.

I've seen things like this happen *several times* throughout my life. Neurotypical people who happen to struggle with some of the same things as neurodivergent people are simply not treated the same. They are treated with much more scrutiny. If someone has ADHD and is struggling to focus, the people around them will be like "oh he/she has ADHD so it's okay". If a person without ADHD struggles to focus, suddenly the people around them are much more critical of them, telling them just to "focus more" and that they "have no excuse".

The reality is that they do have an excuse - their explanation for lacking focus just doesn't come in the form of neurodivergence. But for some reason, people do not accept this. Why not?