TTC and gaining weight back

I’m 5’2” and 29. My original start weight was 251 lbs. I think I got down to 170lbs this past July. I say I think because my husband and I went through a pretty traumatic experience and I wasn’t weighing myself during that time.

Fast forward to now (February), I’m back at 210 and absolutely terrified. I feel it. I’m tired again. I don’t like how my clothes fit and how I feel and definitely how I look in pictures.

I know at the start of October I was 190. So roughly 20lbs gained from July to October. I feel like that’s was fast. Now I’m in February and another 20lbs up. I’m so scared that it will just keep climbing.

However, my husband and I are TTC and I don’t want to be on the shots to do so. Even though I’ve heard so many women conceiving while being on them. Im scared and depressed about my body. Im not sure where to go from here.