I need help

For the past 6-8 months, I've been struggling mentally and my mental health has been on a rapid decrease over more recent months. I've been laying in bed most nights waiting on poisonous amounts of pills to eventually kick in and take my life but I end up just throwing everything up and crying myself to sleep. I've had a SH addiction for awhile that I haven't been able to get rid of. I just need something to help me no longer think about these things and something to avoid me from harming myself. Due to my mental issues, it's also currently affecting my partner and I cannot sit here and let my problems affect him. Please just give me some way to stop all of this or ATLEAST tone it down by a million percent.

I'm aware my previous posts on this account are reddit slop from a few years ago, however this is a legitimate post and me actually begging for help. Thank you. 🙁💕