I lost my virginity to my cousin

I was 14, she was 12. We haven't seen each other since i was 7 and she was 5. It's like she was a different person, I never once thought about being close with her, I just thought about her as my cousin. We met for the first time at a family Christmas party. We joked about how we were the only kids at our age there. Later I sat down and was reading a book while the adults played a board game. That's when she came over and sat on my lap. This obviously shocked me, to make things more shocking she wiggled her ass a bit while she was looking ar and talking to people. I don't know if she did this purposely or ment to do this but I started getting hard. She felt me getting hard but instead of getting up she moved her ass closer to me so she was sitting over my growing hardness. I risked it and placed my hands on her thighs, she didn't react. We stayed like this for several minutes then got up. I thought it was strange and maybe she just didn't realize I was aroused.

Later as we were leaving the party she asked that I spend the night with her family (my aunt and uncle, my father's side of the family). My family agreed and I went to get home. We chatted for a bit then I went to bed on a guest bed that was across from her bedroom. Her didn't close her door all the way and I was able to see her get changed. I was confused by the feelings I was having. She was my cousin and I was...attracted to her?? I pushed it out of my head, maybe this was just teenage horniness.

The next morning I chatted more and played a board game. Then she tackled me pushing me onto her bed. I wasn't prepared for this and my arms were pinned under her as she laid on top of me. She joked how she was stronger then the average girl her age. Then she piled blankets on top of me while I hooked how I was going to go to sleep onn her "comfortable bed". She got up and i hard her close her bedroom door and i was was pushing the blankets off, my head was still under a big pile of blankets and random clothes. She sat on the bed and took my hand. Made a comment that i had big hand and then pushed my hand down her shirt feeling the top of her breasts! I didn't know how to react but i was getting aroused again. I felt her hand brush against my growing bulge. Then she pulled the blankets off and acted like nothing happened. I was very confused by all of this, thinking she was just teasing me. Then she said i looked tired and that i was "an old man who needed his nap" i insisted i lay in her bed and take a nap so i would be rested up when my parents came to pick me up. I was honestly tired so i agreed. I got into her bed and quickly fell asleep. I was half awake when i felt the bed shake and peaked one eye open to see her getting into bed with me! She laid there, I'm guessing to see if i was actually asleep, then cuddled up next to me. I felt great and went back to sleep. I woke up again feeling her hand move over my crotch and up to my chest. She took my hand and played with it kissing my hand and putting it over her chest. I felt her hard nipples and i was getting very hard again. I couldn't stop myself as my arousal was taking over my head. She un unbuttoned my pants and put her hand down my hands. I still acted like i was asleep when she moved my boxers out of the way and felt my penis. I couldn't stop myself as i wanted to have sex right then and there. But i knew she was my cousin, what should i do?? She pulled my pants down and moved my penis out from my boxers then got on top of me. I felt her warm body over me and felt that she wasn't wearing panties. She put her hand down and moved my penis so it was directly over get vagina. She slowly pushed my penis pointy her and that's when we had sex. We both lost our virginity to each other. I moaned quietly and opened my eyes to she her smiling as she rode me. It wasn't long until i whis that i was going to come but she didn't get off. I tired pushing her off but she fought back holding on tighter. I was able to finally push her off but not quick enough. I came half inside of her and the rest on her belly.i was feeling the high of post ejaculation. And she was laying on top of me holding me close. I held her too and didn't want to let her go. I decided right then that I wanted her, forget us being cousins, i was in love! After a few minutes she got up and got changed. She told me that my parents were going to be here soon. I pulled me pants up and i tired to kiss her but she pulled away. I was confused, we just had sex for the first time as l now she's acting cold? My parents picked me up and i went home. I never ralked any this with anyone. We wrote to each other a few times with one letter we talked about our night together. Then she stopped writing me. I saw her again 5 years later, she looked great. We gave each other a hug but i see in her face that she didn't want anything else. I saw her one more time 9 years later. She was married and i was with someone too. We gave each other a smile like we both knew what we did that one night. We haven't seen each other since then. So that's how i lost my virginity. So i regret it, eh not really. It was...interesting.​