Is this normal or a result of DB?

I am approaching 40, decade long mostly dead bedroom. My self esteem is trashed. It’s been trashed but I could reason with myself in my 30s that I was still “relatively” young but 40 feels like hitting the wall and I’ll be deemed old and undesirable by most people. Even though I myself am crazy attracted to men and women in their 40s and hell even 50 and 60s. I just can’t reconcile in my brain that *I* could be attractive to anyone.

Is this a normal-ish feeling as we’re getting older or am I feeling this because my spouse doesn’t express any desire for me?