Infidelity in an Open Relationship? 33M and 26F

My bf and I have both cheated on eachother and we only know about one instance each, about 8 months apart.

I’ve cheated 3x, he only knows about one. The first two were while I was away for a few months and we agreed beforehand to go exclusive while I was away. and we both broke the agreement.

I cheated again after i got back because despite being “open” he was kind of only ok with being with other women, not men. So after I cheated and he found out, we redefined the relationship to make it more fair. Basically, almost anything is up for discussion as long as we are honest and open about it. Sine then ive been pretty open with him.

And now i just found out he cheated while I was away and has tried several times since then without me knowing. On one hand, im not really surprised and also feel mike a hypocrite getting mad, but it still hurts and my attraction to him is dead atm. He admitted to it, apologized, recognizes his mistake, and we redefined what we want our terms to be. Now we’ll see if we can actually stick to being honest.

Not sure how to come back from this but am considering individual/couples’ therapy.

On one hand i want to detach emotionally and just act like im single, because I don’t feel like I really need him or the relationship and if it’s gonna be dishonest then i may as well be single. On the other, I am otherwise pretty happy in the relationship and want to figure out a way forward. :/

Advice Welcome, just please be kind.