I need help

Hi everyone, I’m saying this because I really need help, I don’t need anyone to condemn me or judge me, but just to understand what I’m going through.

My wife has a physical condition that affected her hip (medically it’s called a Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip), this is when the femoral head (the round ball part of the thigh bone), does not appear properly seated in the hip socket.

We got married last year August, and I’m not Kenyan (we’ve been dating online since 2005), even though I had known about her condition I never thought it will be a problem for us sexually. I’m someone with a high sex drive but this condition has made our sex life very boring as it affects her legs and there’s a limit to what she can do. Few days ago, we were talking and she made a statement like “I don’t like kids, I don’t even want to have any children. When they cry you can’t even understand why they’re crying”, the statement hit me hard because last month, I wanted to play some gospel songs on her YouTube (since we were using her mobile phone to play songs at that time), as soon as I tried to type in the search bar, I noticed that she’s been searching for “how to avoid getting pregnant”, then it didn’t really catch my attention but her statement few days ago made look at all of these from a different perspective. Even though I love her, I’m dying on the inside because I can’t enjoy sex the way I’ve always wanted, and now to add to that, I’m never going to enjoy the thrills of fatherhood?

I came to Kenya last year, she has successfully cut me off from making friends, not just with females but also with other guys as a result I don’t have any friends besides her. Yesterday, she was telling me that her company has registered her for a conference in Nakuru in March for a week and that I’ll be going with her, I told her that I don’t think it’ll be a good idea (even though I’ve never been to Nakuru and this would have been a great opportunity to visit, I strongly believe she doesn’t want me to be alone by myself). I’m really looking to make a new relationship but I don’t want to mislead anyone, I just want whoever I’ll be with to understand my situation and to know that even though I need something serious, I’m already tied to someone that I love so much but her condition wouldn’t let us have a baby together.

I’ll be 40 in a few months, I’m good looking and I’m attracted to intelligent people, so if you fit that description, let’s get to know each other.

Lastly, I’m a minister of the gospel but not currently affiliated to any church, I’m still undergoing Bible School training in an American Bible school here in Kenya, I hope to graduate next year, my plan is to get attached to any good church where I can grow my faith either as an Associate Pastor or a Youth Pastor, so if I can find anyone within the church community, it’ll be a plus for me.

PS: Please don’t judge me!