My meaning in life is lost

For a while I was searching for a good place to share my story and get tips. I don't know if it is the right place or if I should go to r/nihilism but whatever.

For the past few years I began going the "self-improvement way", everything was simple at the beginning, "do sports" or "eat healthy" type of things. I was living my normal life in some forgotten European country, I "was" a Christian but never went to church as it bored me. I hadn't had deep thoughts, just lived life as it was. Fast forward to now and much has changed.

I abandoned my faith because it didn't give me satisfying (or sometimes any) answers. Unfortunately I am a perfectionist (I believe it's because of the way I was raised, now I try to fight that perfectionism in every form) and combined with ADHD it led to overthinking and a state of depression. Previously my perfectionism "tried to convince" me that my religion is the only flawless one and the ultimate truth and answer. Then I thought "ok, religion is a lie" and proceeded to believe that achieving perfection is doable. But now when I finally faced the truth I was left with no answers nor goals. This in turn led to some problems and questions which I am facing right now.

I have been interested in computers since I was a kid but now I have lost it all. I struggle to engage in any form of hobby in my free time. My motivation is non-existent, I am not a bad person, I do well at work but when I get home I sit by my desk until night and watch stupid YouTube videos. When I have any work to do at home I won't start doing it until the deadline. As you can see, the lack of a higher purpose or idea has impacted my life badly. To clear things out, I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I am just lost and in need of answers.

Nihilism, absurdism and existentialism agree on one thing (which in my opinion is true): life is deprived of inherent meaning. But now what to do about this. Existentialism proposes to create your own meaning but what is it exactly, careless hedonism? hard work? I know it's everyone's private business but I would hate to be "lied to" by my brain one more time.

Next question: where is the borderline between absurdism/"laughing at a meaningless world" and madness/negative carelessness?

Now I can just hope that my point which I presented is clear and understandable because I barely managed to motivate myself to write this post, let alone organizing my thoughts beforehand. Have a nice day.