I think it’s time to shut off.

Coming off the worst heartbreak a little over a year ago. I’m still broken. Let myself go. 33 years old. On the brink of shipping off to the Air Force within 2 months if I don’t get this job locally that I want. She left me right before 2025 so 2025 was nothing but watching Instagram reels in a dark room. Was broken so I slept with some randoms and I might have an STD, getting checked on Monday. Hopefully it’s not a permanent thing but I think it’s time to turn my lust off and now that I’m single and bitter, I look at women for just looks and sex appeal. Cause I’m not over my ex and don’t think I will be and she’s the only woman I want to love and get to know. But I need to just shut my mind off for a year or two and just be in my own world. Ignore the outside world as much as possible. I did see a video from a very sexy woman who was fed up. She decided to stay abstinent and focus on her and live peacefully for a while as she was just tired of men and the way the world was. She ended up doing it for two years cause she enjoyed it so much. Improving herself, working on herself and she’d but herself something every month or so to make herself happy. For her it was a lingerie set and she said that no one knew she got it and she got it for herself cause it just made her happy. Not to look good for a man but it just made the inner her happy. She got these gifts for herself for sticking to the plan and idk.. I just thought that was so cool. Time to clean up my life, I have a million and one problems and now I just gotta write them down and figure them out one by one and mark it off with a pen after I finish each problem. Brick by brick. Slowly but surely I will get MYSELF back. I’m a shell of why I used to be. It’s about time I get that beast back. We all have the beast within us and he desperately needs to make a return. Gonna treat this next year or two as “Covid” years when the world shut down. Time to create my own world and get lost in it and rise up like a phoenix from the ashes.