1 year off ketamine soon… permatolerance + bladder issues. Is “testing the waters” a terrible idea?

Hey everyone, looking for insight from people who’ve dealt with ket bladder stuff and permatolerance.

I’m 32 now. I used ketamine on and off for years, but it got much heavier starting around 26, and my heaviest years were around 27 to 30. What ultimately made me stop was my bladder. I started having bladder issues (frequency, burning, urgency), and it scared me enough to quit. Around that same time, I also hit what people call permatolerance. It got to the point where I couldn’t “get there” anymore, and that kind of added to the reality check too, like, what am I even doing if I can’t get there anyway.

At the end of April it’ll be 1 full year since I quit. I’m proud of that, and also, if I’m being honest, I miss ket a lot. Lately I keep thinking: after I hit a year, what if I tried a small amount just once to see if anything has reset?

But I’m also worried I’m just bargaining with myself, and that even one “test” could bring back cravings or restart the cycle, flare my bladder symptoms, or put me right back on the same path.

So I’m asking people who’ve actually been here. If you had ket bladder symptoms, did using again even once set you back? Did symptoms come back fast? If you had permatolerance, did a long break ever change anything, or did it basically stay the same? And did “just once” stay just once for you, or did it snowball?

Not looking for judgement. I genuinely want reality checks and lived experience. Thanks.