Whatever next?

I didnt mind the sense of isolation and otherness that adoption gave me, well I did, but I couldnt do anything about it and I didnt know it was pretty much unique to adoptees. I put up with the destructive hair trigger temper prompted by the most trivial things. I slowly started to understand the destructive behaviors I so excelled at and how they allowed me to control the smallest part of my narrative - dont get close, burn your bridges and move on. To be fair even the obsessive and compulsive episodes of my life were fun at first. I accepted being, not neccesarily alone, but neccesarily solitary. However, as I approach 40 years of this nonsense I cant help resenting its evolution - silly things like dizzy spells, forgetting episodes of my life ( to be fair there were a lot of those!), forgetting things and people in the short, medium and long term, frontal lobe damage and everthing that goes with it. I cant complain I found both answers and questions, ultimately, I found truth but a certainty that this truth could not bring me happyness in the endless cameos in what was supposed to be MY life. Just a thought.