My Son Is In My Weird Fantasies

I'm 46/F, divorced, and my son (22/M) is currently living with me for financial reasons. It's just us in the house, and a year or so ago I really started noticing him in this way. I've been thinking about him more and more and reading some fictional stories and stories in this sub and other places and wondering if it might be possible. I've always been a very sexual person, and lately I've been relying on toys, fingers, and fantasies a lot. I honestly feel so horny about my son lately, and I've been considering trying some of the things people recommend on here (more revealing clothing, letting him overhear me masturbating, and so on).

I also wonder if my son has some of the same feelings because he does like to walk around the house in just shorts (like loose exercise shorts), but that could just be a comfort thing. I've noticed the bulge in his shorts on occasion too, and it definitely makes me think things. Just this past weekend, there was a time he was going from the shower to his room in just a towel and (probably because of stories here) I genuinely thought about seeing if he'd like a blowjob from his mom. Like part of me wanted to stop him and do it right there in the hall. That's how bad off I'm getting.

Here's where I get to the topic I'm getting off my chest. I also have a weird fantasy kink. Like think impossible in the real world but the fantasy gets me off so much. It's the sort that might be scary to some people and I don't want to name it just yet, but it's my main kink. And lately, I keep thinking about my son in those fantasies. When I put him in those fantasies, it's so hot and I honestly cum so hard. My husband knew about this kink and was fine to indulge it with a little hot talking and pretending (I can't believe we can't even say the word for that at all) when we were together but when I think about possibly doing something with my son, I think about telling him about it or having it slip and what he might think. It feels insane that I've seriously thought about making a pass at my own son and taking him to bed, but I'm so afraid of what he'd think about my weird fantasy stuff. That we'd start something only for me to scare him away.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or anything, but I wonder if anyone else has been in this situation? Attracted to your son or mom or whoever and also finding them in your strange kink fantasies? I guess I'd just like to finally tell this somewhere and know if I'm alone or not.