How do I improve?

Hey guys this is my first time posting here so here goes nothing

(Cant add more than 1 tag so this post is venting, asking for advices and tips and improvements)

Id like to start off by saying when I got skinny from being fat, I gained alot of personal issues, For anyone wondering, I dont know what they call it but my body type is skinny fat now bcuz i still got sum fat in my chest and around my stomach.

Im 18, male, out of gym rn bcuz of school

1. Ever since I got skinny I noticed that i was really jealous of other teenagers who were better than me, like their body, their confidence, the way they dressed. It was alot and it really broke me down bcuz why couldn't I achive this or that but instead im stuck like this

2. 16, 17 and 18(now) are by far worst years. I js couldnt do anything, I was really depressed and sad, I couldnt make any friends, alot of people told me im weird just bcuz I didnt have the same hobbies as them and they tend to make fun of me. most of the times i feel isolated everywhere, I just cant help but feel left out and I just be praying that someone notices me and brings me into the conversation, but they never do. But if it was the opposite I would immediately pull them out and insert them into the conversation with me, bcuz I dont want others to feel left out,I help them but no one bothers to help me.

3. Daily life, daily life has been always the same, since I dont have friends, I tend to study a bit and either play games, music, movies or just scroll on tiktok, Now I cant even study, I just get bored easily, I really hate that im not studying like im js not productive enough Ive wanted to learn how to draw too but i just cant do it and I keep telling my self that both studying and art is really hard to do both in one day,

I hate this like I really dont like it, I wish I had friends that like me for who I am not what I bring But society nowadays only cares about ur value not ur heart. I actually miss being a kid, like my mind didnt think of any of that stuff and just went outside and play, now that im grown, im slowly dying inside, I dont think I can make it to 20. I dont show my depression to others bcuz im in a place where depression for men = weak and stupid, when its really not like im human too and feel emotions Please dont say "go to a therapist", there aren't any in my area as alot of teenagers tend to just suck it up and move with their daily life

Now for my questions: How do I dont care about others and move on? How do I manage my time well? How do I get rid of that jealousy out of me? What do i do to not feel left out? How do I make friends with the same interests?

If you guys have any advices, tips, anything I would appreciate and I will read every comment you guys make