bullied for my appearance, feeling permanently damaged

I’m 25 years old and I feel like bullying because of my appearance has left a permanent mark on me.

For years I’ve received comments, insults, and indirect mockery about how I look. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it’s just people talking while looking in my direction. But my mind automatically assumes they’re talking about me or making fun of me. I know this might sound paranoid, but it’s how my brain reacts now.

It has completely changed how I see myself. I feel hyper-aware, constantly on guard, always expecting the next insult.

Right now, my only “friend” is basically my dealer. And honestly, I often think he’s only around because I buy from him. That realization makes me feel even more alone.