frustrated and alone

“you’re faking your anxiety and there’s no way you have cptsd, i had such a worse childhood.” my moms response whenever i try to confide in her. i love my mom but she has failed me so much and has contributed to my issues. it was her husband who abused me in the worst way as a child and continued manipulating me and emotionally harming me into my adult life. my own father. how can she choose to ignore it and not take my pain seriously? it sometimes even hurts more than the actual abuse. it is so shameful for me to admit any of it. i never try to seek help because of the fear and wrong placed guilt in myself. i am severely depressed and my brain feels like mush. it’s even more embarrassing to me that i’m an adult, still stuck in a bad place. i can’t go no contact. i can’t get away. it’s not that simple but i wish it was.