Seeking Support During Separation

Hello you lovely married folks, Long story short I've discovered the error of my ways and I'm actively working on myself, understanding that it is my only true course of action and that by addressing myself my actions will speak to my wife and allow her to feel safe around me. I was not abusive or anything like that, put down your pitchforks.

I'm posting to seeks support while she's at her sister's house. it's been 5 days into the initial 2-week agreed time frame. we agreed no contact so that she could fully immerse herself in resetting her nervous system....but damn this is hard. everything in our house just reminds me of the fact that I'm alone and there is a real possibility that my wife doesn't want to continue on with our marriage. The dogs miss her, they just sit on the ground next to her side of the bed.

as I type this I'm walking around my house aimlessly, biding time until my counseling session, but after that IDK what I'm going to do. My friends are busy and I don't really have the motivation to do much, I just really miss my wife. She's my best friend and I hurt her. trying not to let the guilt consume me but it's really hard. I went to the gym this morning and could only muster up a 30 minute workout, which was a struggle.

putting my life on pause royally sucks, I would go to see this movie but we both express interest in it so I feel like if I go by myself then I'm dishonoring what we have together since we both want to see it. I'm terrified to open Snapchat or Instagram, worried that I'll see her having fun with someone other than me... I know it sounds goofy but I can't help my feelings. I've never once told her she couldn't go hang out with friends, but I feel guilty about these emotions because I know that I'm prioritizing my feelings over her well-being (it's part of what I'm working on in counseling) but dammit, I want to be that for her, I want to be the person she thinks of when she wants to go do something.

they say if you truly love something that you have to let it go, and while I understand the sentiment and I really do want her to be happy, fuck that mess. I just hope my revelation isn't too little too late... if it is then I just have to take my lesson and move on but I'm not going down without a fight.