Losing hope pregnancies can ever carry to term without complication

Hi all. I’m 11w2d. Still very early, I know. Prior to this pregnancy I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks, a miscarriage at 7 weeks, and a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks within a year and a half. Over a year later, I’m finally pregnant again. My period was so irregular after the missed miscarriage because there was remaining products of conception the doctors didn’t catch despite two visits to the ER over three months within abnormal bleeding and cramping. My period was never regular again after this until I got pregnant in December. Needless to say, my reproductive system and I have had a not so fun journey.

Over Valentines Day weekend, I had sudden sharp almost electric pain in my stomach and cervix. I thought maybe it was round ligament pain, but this was constant and any physical activity made it worse. Within two days, my stomach swelled up to the point that I looked 6 months pregnant and it hurt to the touch. I knew I had an upcoming appointment so I held off the emergency room.

Well, I went in to my 10 week ultrasound and was told I was measuring at 11 weeks. Much better than the alternative. But they confirmed my corpus luteum cyst had burst and my abdomen was full of blood. I of course panicked because how could that not be harmful to my baby, but the doctor and tech assured me I just needed to try to stay off my feet, and monitor for any infectious symptoms. I have my nipt test today and I’m so anxious.

Clearly, my experience with pregnancy has not been good. I had been using a family members pregnancy to remind myself that normal pregnancies can happen, but at 24 weeks, they found out their twins have TTTS, and likely will not survive to the point of viability.

My whole family is superstitious around pregnancy now. I can’t celebrate my own pregnancy without essentially being told to bite my tongue or I’ll jinx it. When I buy baby clothes, I’m told I’m doing it too soon, despite knowing the gender because “there’s always a chance”. Even surfing through this sub Reddit, there are so many people who have had seemingly healthy pregnancies that have ended suddenly.

I’m just so scared and concerned. I’m so attached to this baby, and I’m having a hard time believing any pregnancy can just be normal. Please give me stories of your healthy pregnancies. I need them. I don’t think I have a lot of positivity right now.