Scared to Let Go of Inner Critic/Abusive Voice

Hi everyone,

I went no contact with my parents and sibling a month ago, and it's been tough. I don't regret it at all and I don't miss them in the slightest, but the emotional fallout has been hard. One of the things that has really come to the forefront is just how loud, cruel, abusive, and compulsive my own inner critic is. (Calling it a "critic" feels inadequate but I'm struggling to articulate it accurately, so that's the best I've got right now.)

I'm aware that it didn't come from me - it's the programming instilled in me by my family and 30+ years of abuse. I'm also aware that when I do it out loud (say, in situations with my spouse where I feel like I've let him down or am inadequate) and verbally attack myself, it's a mechanism of probably (a) hurting myself first before anyone else can, (b) saying "see, I know I'm bad, I've got it under control", and (c) giving myself some semblance of a feeling of control over the crushing sense that I'm a liability/unstable/defective/broken but at least I'm aware of it and have some kind of way of keeping a leash on it, even if it's maladaptive...

I know it's not healthy and I'm trying to separate myself from it. E.g., trying to remind myself in those moments that that voice isn't mine, that those things aren't true, that preemptively punishing myself doesn't prove I'm "good" or "worthy" and that my being a "liability" is a coercive story they told me to keep me under their control, and not a reality, etc.

But I'm having a really hard time letting it go, and I realized today that there's a part of me that's afraid to. Like, terrified. It's been with me so long that I'm afraid I'm nothing and no one and not a real person without it. I'm afraid if that's not there, I'll become a horrible abusive person and I'll lose the people I love and ALSO not be a real person.

I'm not sure what to do, how to approach this, or where to go from here, but I can't keep operating like this. I'd welcome any thoughts or perspective you may have.

Thanks so much.