Does this look like BPD? Extremely attached for 5 months to breakup “I don’t see a future”

I (23M) started dating this girl (21F) mid-October. From the beginning it was intense and mutual.

First date went amazing — she called me after I dropped her off and we stayed out until 5am. Within 2–3 weeks she said “I love you” first (twice — once she panicked after saying it). She fell very fast and very hard. I reassured her but didn’t pressure anything.

We saw each other 3–5 times a week early on — mostly her idea. She initiated 90% of calls, called me multiple times a day (morning, before work, after gym, etc.). Very high attachment from the start.

By December she was pushing to make it official.

Around that time she thought she might be pregnant and panicked about possibly needing an abortion. Early January she tried to split saying we weren’t compatible long term (she wants a farm life in Nashville; I’m building a dropshipping business and believe I’ll be very successful). I pleaded a bit on the phone, but in person she admitted the real reason was pregnancy stress. We reconciled and she stayed the night. She later got her period and things stabilized.

January had emotional ups and downs:

• She’s very sensitive and anxiously attached (her words).

• She’d sometimes threaten splits over feeling insecure or not reassured enough.

• We had one big fight where she got extremely emotional over something small I said jokingly and declared “it’s over,” but calmed down after talking.

• She cried about us “drifting apart” once I moved (even though we still saw each other a lot).

• She wanted daily goodnight texts and constant reassurance; I sometimes pushed back because it felt pressured.

Important context:

• I’m her first official boyfriend.

• First person she’s said “I love you” to.

• First guy she brought home to family.

• She has abandonment issues (absent father, abusive stepfather).

• Very rocky romantic past (ghosting, cheating).

• Extremely emotionally sensitive.

• Very limited social circle (basically one close friend).

• She openly says she’s anxiously attached.

One more piece of context that may matter:

She’s had similar intense push-pull dynamics in her close friendship. When her best friend started getting close to another girl, she felt replaced, cried heavily, blocked her everywhere, removed her location so she wouldn’t see her hanging out with the new friend, and said she didn’t care and would “find a new best friend.” After about 1–2 weeks she folded and reached out, and they reconciled. Their friendship has continued to be rocky with periodic fallouts over jealousy and closeness.

Despite January being rocky, February was actually very good. Less fighting. We went to Disneyland (Feb 12), celebrated Valentine’s, she slept over multiple times that week. She insisted she’d help with my move and was excited about us having more privacy.

The day before the split:

We stayed in bed most of the day instead of packing like planned. I was slightly grumpy about lost time but not aggressive. I later napped and didn’t finish packing. She got upset that she felt guilty all day and that I “did nothing.” She hung up without saying I love you (rare but happens when she’s upset).

Next day:

She randomly showed up outside my house without warning. Looked serious, teary-eyed, and said we needed to split.

Her reasons:

• “My love hasn’t progressed.”

• “I don’t see a future.”

• “It’s not fair to me.”

This time I didn’t fight it. I said “okay” because I was tired of the repeated split threats and emotional swings. She looked confused that I didn’t push back and said “that’s it?” She asked if we were good. I said yeah.

She called me back one minute later.

Deleted her nudes from my phone.

Asked for a hug.

Long emotional hug.

Kissed my shoulder.

Left.

Immediately after:

• Removed me from socials (first time ever).

• Removed location.

• No contact since.

It’s been about 3 days (~78 hours). I haven’t reached out. She hasn’t either.

What confuses me:

She was extremely attached for 4–5 months straight. No slow fade. No obvious emotional withdrawal. She was excited about my move and our future literally days before.

She’s reposted TikToks joking about being single, but also reposted romantic Notebook edits and sad Valentine-type posts. Mixed signals.

I’m torn between:

1.	Reaching out (maybe under the excuse of getting my clothes) and trying to talk in person.

2.	Staying no contact and seeing if the pattern (emotional cutoff → regret → return) plays out again.

Given her history of intense attachm ent and push-pull dynamics, does this sound like:

• An anxious attachment spiral that could reverse?

• Or someone who has genuinely detached and is done?

Looking for honest outside perspectives before I decide what to do. (just being honest I’m looking for the best chance to get her back)