Just a place to share advice and rant!

Okay, so I have spent a ton of time looking through these posts and felt compelled to write about my own experience and it feels cathartic honestly. Also, I wanted to open it up to anyone who just needs to complain and vent about this less than pleasant phase of life THAT I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT!!! I'll share a few things that have helped me and would love to hear what is working for you! I just hope this helps someone feel a little less crazy during this time because most doctors will look at you like you have 3 heads when you try to talk to them about it. Not blaming them because this just feels like one of those things that needs a lot more research and time to understand i guess? i don't know.. just trying to keep it positive lol

I started around 36 (now 38) and it all began with these MASSIVE, deep and unpoppable cystic zits that just absolutely destroyed my chin - now trying to deal with scars and managing the acne that perimenopause brought on. I had zero resilience and the thought of socializing was almost nauseating. Prior to that, I loved hanging out with people and doing things on the weekends. Once this part of life started, I had no desire to do ANYTHING! I struggle with depression but this was different. I just could not and did not want to move from my couch and people had a hard time understanding my need for space. I became so totally unavailable to just about everything in life. It was impacting my ability to deal with even the slightest bit of stupidity from certain people. I could no longer bite my tongue and the indescribable rage was uncontrollable. If I wasn't saying it with my voice, my face certainly said enough lol other fun symptoms - night sweats so bad i was changing 3 times a night, crippling anxiety that never existed before, insomnia, periods that last half of the month, emotional devastation, ZERO resilience for anything, lost confidence, FROZEN SHOULDER (wasn't able to raise my arm past a certain point - what even is this??), joint pain all over... like how was this never mentioned as something i might have to endure? i know not all women go through it but a little heads up may have been nice for those of us that have to suffer for years with this.

I finally talked to my lady doctor and her first solution was a hormonal birth control and when i tell you this just made things worse, there is no way to express how awful it was. Please know this is just my experience and it may work for some but it was not my fix! I talked to them again about what was going on and their next offer was anti depressants. No matter how many times i advocated that it felt unfamiliar and like it was hormonal they just didn't seem to know what to do with it all. No mention of perimenopause, all blood work was coming back normal - a classic tale of perimenopause - I appreciate the effort but their approach was all wrong! They treat labs (even though peri doesn't usually show in your levels especially with our hormones fluctuating day to day) not symptoms!

I decided to go off of the birth control and it has improved my mood and resilience significantly but now I am dealing with WADS OF HAIR FALLING OUT OF MY HEAD! it is so totally devastating and i am at a complete loss with my body. I thought i would stroll into my 40s feeling fabulous and now i feel like the forgotten rotting potato that lives in our cupboard too long. SO fun! I recently started estrogen and progesterone and it is the first time i have felt relief in 2 years. I am not here to promote one way or another and you have to decide what works best for your journey and body. I honestly still worry about being on this stuff because i felt so unprepared to enter this time of my life. I am saddened by the lack of information out there and the lack of training that doctors seem to have to help with this really challenging time for women. I will say advocate, advocate, advocate until you find something that works for you. YOU are the important part of this process!!

Some helpful things I have found:

1. fan UNDER the bed pointing straight up so it can cool through the mattress

2. STRETCHING!!!! I haven't regained all of the mobility in my shoulder but have been working hard on gentle stretching and some strength training

3. Advocate, advocate, advocate!!! Find someone who will treat your symptoms and not just your lab work! This was my biggest win since all of this started! You know your body best!

4. Be gentle with yourself. I'm saying this for myself as well. Stop focusing so much in the mirror. Take a step back and know that the changes you feel like you're seeing and feeling aren't as dramatic to those around you! So be kind and love yourself!

5. I wish i had advice for the uncontrollable rage monster but this is something i am still working on lol

Anywho -- thanks for reading! I wish all of my perimenopausal tribe the very best! Know that you're not alone and what you're feeling is valid regardless of what doctors might tell you! Please please please feel free to share anything that has worked for you! The more we can equip ourselves the better :)