THE BUTTERFLIES

Ciera... how many times have I visited your grave already? Telling myself this is all a dream? When I wake up still... you're no longer there... I wish I could hold your hands again. Kiss your lips. Tell you I love you, tell you how much I missed you... I lost my job... I haven't been able to go to work due to depression... I wish... I wish I had one more way to see you, baby... I remember when we first got married... how happy you were to put that ring on your finger!

I remember when I first saw you… how nervous I was… Then I forced myself to talk to you! Man… words couldn’t express how happy I was when you said yes to being my girlfriend… we been together for 7 years before getting married…

30 missed calls. 12 new messages. 20 unread. I wasn't answering my phone... sometimes I look down and hope I see your name appear... I felt like a damn fool... I was dying on the inside with each passing day... depression. I’ve became very accustomed to it.. I’ve become used to feeling the emotion…

Days turn into weeks, months turn into years. I still crave your touch. I crave your body's warmth. Your beautiful eyes. All the reasons I married you… All the memories of us dancing together outside surrounded by the sounds of the city, on the patio with the city buildings around us playing our favorite music, holding each other looking into each others eyes as the music plays... the bright round moon above us… The stars glistening around it.. We were supposed to have kids someday... One night I went to sleep... I had a dream about you... a vivid dream! It seemed so real! I could hear your voice again saying,

"My love?... babe?... Tom!... Stop being so hard on yourself! Give yourself a break! You 've been at that computer for hours! Working your head off!" Ciera said with her hand on her hips.

"Yeah, I know, honey... it's just… you don't understand, okay... the internet is hard to please... the internet is hard to understand... I mean this is my life's work! EVERY DAY I go to work, I work for 8 hours for a job I'm not even passionate about, and then I come home to do what I REALLY am passionate about, and... look at the views of these videos! I spent hours editing and animating these videos! Yet... my artwork still goes unseen ... 5 views in one month! 23 the next! 77 on this video... I'm hopeless..." I said, looking down, putting my forehead into my hands.

Ciera comes over to comfort me. She wraps her arms around me. She gives me a kiss on my left cheek.

"Tom... you just started... do you expect to take over the world in one day? You're only one person. Have faith in yourself... stop doing this for others and do it for yourself... I love you! I'm proud of you! You're doing great," Ciera said as she rubbed my back, kissing my neck softly.

"No, Ciera... you don't understand... you're a nurse, you have a good-paying career. Me? I'm just a lame guy who works at a gas station and makes animations for a channel nobody watches... I put so much time into my work... then when I do good, it's not enough! They want more or they want this or it's not good enough... I don't even know how to feel about my passionate work anymore!..." I said before taking a long sigh, fighting off my depression as much as I could.

"Oh my... Thomas! Stop... you are doing fine! If you're going to work on the internet, you have to be able to take criticism! So what if you work at a gas station? Isn't that where you met me? It's not all bad, and it pays the bills! Babe, we finally have enough money saved up for a new and better home! I would love to have a backyard for our kids to play in... I always wanted children with you, Tom I love you..." Ciera said, holding my hands.

I held her hands tighter. I told her,

"I want a child with you as well, my beloved queen! You're right... thanks for always being there for me. I appreciate you Cierra… honestly I don’t know what I would do without you… I love you too..."

I said as I went to hug and kiss her...

But her body turned into butterflies... and flew away...

I woke up gasping for air... I see a white butterfly sitting by the end of my bed... It lifts itself up and begins to fly out of my open window...

I ran to the window to look for the butterfly, but it was gone... just cars and trucks below... traveling to their destinations... I looked around... I shed a tear thinking of all the people in their apartments right now...

probably cuddled up with their boyfriends or girlfriends... and here I was... alone... I lost mine... I take one last look at the vibrant city buildings around me. I see a light shut off in an apartment window, and I take that for my cue to go to bed.

I woke up the next morning and had a drink of coffee. I stood outside my patio door drinking my coffee, listening to the city around me. I took a deep breath of fresh air. Then suddenly, I heard a flutter of wings inside my apartment building.

I turned around and made my way towards the sound. It was coming from the right hallway, down to the door on the left. When I reached the door, I jumped back, startled. So surprised, I slipped and fell. There were white butterflies. They were glowing. Their wings illuminated white. The insects were all over the door.

Butterflies flew above me in circles, butterflies flying around forming a miniature tornado in my living room. Then, I heard a voice behind the butterfly-covered door.

It was my wife's voice.

"Thomas? Babe? Are you there? Sweetie, please come in and talk to me. I've been waiting for you..." It was Cierra's voice.

I quickly got up and grabbed the doorknob. The butterflies didn't flinch nor fly away as I opened the door.

I saw my wife standing there, staring out the window beside a bookshelf in my workroom, behind my computer desk. The computer chair slid out of the way to the left.

"Cierra? No, this can't be real. You're dead. You died in that plane crash. For years, I wished it wasn't true! For years, I waited, hoping they made a mistake, hoping you weren't really dead," I said as I slowly walked towards the woman.

The woman turned around, and it appeared to be Cierra! She looked just how she did before she left to get onto her flight. I stopped as she walked over to me, her brunette hair styled in Hollywood waves, her ember eyes glistening like when I proposed to her, her white silky blouse, her tight cowgirl jeans, the sound of her heels clicking as she walked, the diamond ring on her finger.

It seemed like her, but deep down, I was in doubt.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see your wife?" she asked.

"I would be if it were really you," I said, feeling depression eat me up from the inside, slowly making its way out.

"Now, Thomas.. don’t you remember your own wife?..." she said as she leaned in to kiss me. Her soft, tender, warm lips connected with my own. We shared a passionate kiss for what felt like a few minutes until I pushed myself away.

"Thomas! What's wrong?!" she asked.

"This, all of this, is wrong. It feels wrong. I know I shouldn't be happy, but this just feels unreal. You died! I know you did," I said,

staring in disbelief. I knew that kiss was real.

"Your favorite color is blue. On the day we got married, you spilled your drink trying to get up from the table. You were so embarrassed; you never really wore white clothes again since that day!" she said.

"How... how... how did you know that?" I asked, my lips quivering at the question, my legs began to tremble. Could this truly be Cierra? Only she would know that.

"Because it's me , my love..." Cierra said as tears began to form and fall from her eyes.

"Thomas, it's time to move on. I love you so much. Words can't even express the amount of love I hold for you. I always wondered what it would've been like had we had kids. Now… now.. I just want you to live your life while you still can Tom, do it for me… Life is too short to be depressed… and you're talented, so talented… Don’t waste your life away… waiting for a woman who will never come home… Be happy, Tom… I will always, always ALWAYS love you!" Cierra said as a stream of tears ran down her face, soaking the collar of her blouse.

I ran and hugged her, tears leaking down my face. Crying like a little child, we cried together. I held her tightly as if I were trying to keep her warm, make her feel secure, make her feel loved. I held her for what felt like hours.

"I don't want to move on, Cierra... I miss you…Honey... Dammit, I miss you so much.." I said, holding back more tears.

"I know you do, but it's time to move on. I love you, Tom. I have to go now. Please don't do anything rash…. I love you, honey! I will be waiting for you..." Cierra said as she gently let go of me and freed herself from my grasp. I watched as she walked back to the window. She looked back at me one final time and gave me a smile She said,

"I love you, Tom..."

I replied,

"I love you too..."

Cierra's body began to transform into butterflies... The butterflies ascended gracefully out the window… They flew into the sky. Suddenly, the butterflies once covering the door, flying above the ceilings, the ones in the living room, all now flew off around me and out the window…

I ran to the window as swiftly as I could. I watched as the butterflies flew higher and higher into the sky, never to be seen again…