I (24 F) am currently in a relationship with a 25 M, and have been since OCT 2022. We have lived together for a little over a year. The last 2 years on birthdays, christmas, and valentines day I have gotten him gifts, cards, taken him out to dinner, taken him to NFL games,etc. In the past 2 years, the only “gift” i have gotten from him was bringing me home an energy drink a few times. the ONLY two gifts I have received our entire relationship: personalized blanket from our first christmas (dec 2022) and a pair of shoes for my birthday (june 2023).

Rewind to Valentine’s day, 2026. I worked 7:30-3p, I had let him know earlier in the week that after work on valentine’s day, I had my nail appointment then I would be home. For the last 2 valentine’s day, i haven’t gotten anything or any effort from him besides him wanting sex to end the night. So I did not plan ANYTHING for valentine’s day. Around 6pm on Valentine’s day, he asks me what we are doing for valentine’s day. I said “Well, did you plan anything for us to do?”. His response was “well no, i expected you plan it”. I didn’t plan anything, because I am so tired of putting in effort that is not reciprocated. So no, i didn’t make dinner, take him out to dinner or get him a gift. I didn’t start an argument about it, I just let it go. 

A few days later (wednesday the 18th), around 3a he shakes me awake. (I had communicated several times prior to this day, that I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping.) He woke me up at 3a to start an argument about Valentine’s day. I stayed kind and polite, knowing I had to be up in 3 hours and probably wouldn’t go back to sleep. I did what he asked; I reassured him and moved on. Later in the day, when we were both home again. I asked him to not wake me up again in the middle of the night or in my sleep time. 

At 7:15a this morning, I was shaken awake.. again. This time “Um are you mad at me?”. Half asleep, i am confused. I said “huh?”. He said “ are you mad at me?”. I simply stated “um no i was asleep, why would i be mad?”. he said “i don’t know”, walked out of the room and left for the day. 

Now it is almost 10:30 as I am typing this out. I’m exhausted, running on 4 hours of sleep. I texted him shortly after he left. I will attach screen shots of our convos. 

My gut is telling me I deserve better, but my heart.. i love him SO MUCH. is this toxic? am i being over dramatic?? 

\*\*\*I am in therapy, and attend weekly. As well as see a psychiatrist. I am not asking him to do something that I am not already doing. Please know that I know I have more work to do on myself, but I cannot allow myself to be treated like this\*\*\*\*

i want to break up, but i love him