My soul is drying out

35f-preggo, married since almost some years.

Im so tired being in “bipolar like” sex life. Please support advice whatever you feel like.

- going to vacation with him, he is into me. We have sex and chill all good.

- coming back he does not even want to touch me, kiss me with passion for teo months; bcs he is afraid to make me horny.

- he was once as child diagnosed with adhd, also does not keep the house chores or baby to-do’s ongoing without me reminding him. I also forgot sometimes that is not a big deal but when all comes together it is difficult not to be angry.

- i try to get his reasons, he never wants to say it out.

- he is happy when i am happy, ignorant when i am unhappy and just tries to gets lost and be invisible.

- he says he loves me, but he forgot our anniversary of we had our first date.

- he did sometime porn at hidden doors, while rejecting sex with me when i was waiting him to have sex with me.

- he always said bcs of our mood at home he is not into sex, but even in vacation if we had fight he was having sex with me.

- i have anyways this stupid mental state that i am not feeling beautiful anymore but it was also before pregnancy or before i was in second trimester.

- he found another reason saying bcs i am pregnant and he heard the babys heart or kicks, he is feeling strange.

- he had sometimes problems with keeping it hard. I assumed and blamed porn for it.

- he does not want to divorce.

- he wants to keep peace but just hugs…

His some words

“Sex as if it is something nice”

“If i would tell you the reasons, you would make my life hell”

I dont get his reasons, he never tells me. Please help me whomever is in similar situation what reasons could this be…. I am dying from inside.