Intrusive thoughts during masturbation

Some time ago I stopped masturbating because every time I did, I had intrusive thoughts and they made me feel horrible. Recently I started consuming porn because I thought that the visual aspect would help me avoid the intrusive thoughts. At first it worked, but lately I’ve been having them anyway, although I manage to avoid them.

Yesterday I had intrusive thoughts again about family members while I was masturbating, and I imagined them in the bodies of the porn actors. At first I managed to avoid it, but it’s so exhausting that at one point I gave in to the thoughts because I just wanted to reach climax. I managed to reach climax without thinking about it, but before that, when the thought came up, part of me didn’t seem to care about thinking it through as long as I could reach climax. I didn’t actually do it — I managed to avoid it — but for a few seconds I felt aroused imagining my family member and masturbating while thinking about them. It felt like a sense of finally giving in to a hidden desire. I’m not sure how to explain it well because it only lasted a few seconds.

Now I feel like the worst person in the world. I don’t want to think about those things and I would never do anything with any family member, but now I feel guilty in case I masturbated thinking about them and in case that excites me. Now it scares me to see that family member in person. Any help, opinion, or personal story about the subject is welcome.