Am I being rash? How do I tell him

30y F and 30y M. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years but have been platonic friends for 10 years (long distance). He moved to my city 6 months ago and lately I've been seeing more of his habits. He is kind and considerate and always does what he can for me AND my son as far as being present. But I feel like his past and upbringing have shown a lot and it's starting to get to me. I don't want to give him to impression that I think I'm better than him or anything but I feel as though I'm starting to outgrow him. We're both followers of Christ, I say that because I don't like to call myself a Christian when I don't do everything I can to be one. But he had a different upbringing. His mom and dad had him and his siblings young, his dad sold drugs both of his parents smoked weed. His mom still smokes and is a functioning alcoholic. His dad died young from heart failure due to heroine use and diet. His father also was gang related, his older brother was as well and also did hard drugs and it let to him being killed. My boyfriend has been through a lot and even more beyond that.

He used to run the streets years ago and stopped. He loves gangster rap. I mean the worst stuff you can fathom lol. All robbing and killing. I told him he should shift what he listens to, he's not a killer or robber. And if we want to get closer to God, we can't honestly listen to stuff like that and think it's okay. When we reconnected just a few years ago he was still smoking weed occasionally and drinking occasionally but noted that he wanted to stop. During our relationship he did stop smoking but still drinks beer once of twice a week. When he's around his mom he's likely to drink more and I've witnessed him feel inclined to smoke with his mom, which is a little concerning to me.

He works a decent job but he's not too great with his finances. When we started dating I was just learning my lesson about bad financial literacy and was a single mom. I got a new job and with some of his help, moved back home so that I can work and live near my son. Since he's lived in my city, he got an apartment, transferred his job here and he was doing well until the end of 2025. He never got his car registered and didn't have insurance, it got towed from his apartment. A friend gave him the funds to get it out but he never turned around and got insurance, so he has to park it in different places so it doesn't get towed. His job goes to down season in January and I told him months prior to get his ducks in a row since he pays for car note and rent. (His first apartment by himself). Christmas comes around and I bought him what I could, I spent about $150 and got various different things he wanted. I spent tons more on my son but I could afford to since I had been buying up gifts since October. We open presents and he purchased nice things for me. But he spent entirely too much money. He spent at least $300 and another $50 for my son. During the same month he also bought a PS5 on credit but still. Why create another bill? Fast forward to January. He has reduced hours and every few weeks he's asking me if I can spot him money until he gets paid. Every time I spot him, he's eating junk food 2-4 times a week, meanwhile I only eat out once on my own, usually cheap like subway. I take my son to eat one additional time on the weekends since that's the only time I have him but again, I can afford to do so.

I had recommended last year that he apply for Walmart. He declined and declined until he had no choice but to apply, he was hired a week later and now has two jobs. I'm glad he's back on track but he is still spending money eating out all the time and buying his couple beers and borrowing money from me. When he does buy groceries, he buys frivolously. He just bought beef ribs. You know, the ones that are $25 a pack and only feed 1 person for 1 meal. And again, this is off of funds borrowed. I know that once he gets paid he will pay me back but I won't be letting him borrow money from me anymore because of how he spends. Due to this and his lack of desire to be more of a leader in our relationship with the Lord, I've been feeling really distant from him emotionally and physically. I love him but I feel like we aren't aligned. I don't want to break up with him but I also don't like his habits. I'm sure there's habits about me that he finds dull, such as me not working out or not wanting to watch TV while I eat dinner. Idk. I just feel the difference in our upbringings and values are starting to really show. I grew up in the hood but my mom never ever did drugs. She barely touches wine. She goes to church often and likes jazz and R&B music. Still secular but I didn't grow up watching my mother drink and smoke and my dad run an entire muck. Im not perfect at all. But I want more for myself and my son. I don't want my boyfriend to change for me, I want him to change because he wants to. And if he doesn't want to then we don't need to fake the funk you know? Idk how to tell him how I feel without sounding like a prick. I really need help.