2.5 months into a breakup, feeling zero motivation and feeling guilty about it

Hi everyone,

Needed to rant on here maybe for reassurance or to see if this relates to other people.

I’m 2.5 months into a breakup. My ex and I still share a rental contract but he’s moved almost immediately after the break to another city and I’m still living in our shared apartment. We decided to end our rental contract as it was too expensive for one person to afford. I’m decided to move permanently abroad to stay with family, and the move is happening next week.

Since breaking up, he’s not reached out to me once to see how I was doing or ask if I needed help with anything in the apartment. He’s essentially left me to figure this all out alone, which I have done. I’m in the process of going through all these emotions and try not to have anger in my heart towards him for basically disappearing on me.

To pack up our shared home into boxes, dismantle furniture, give away big pieces of furniture to friends, clean, do repairs, and do all of this alone and without any support has been incredibly tough to say the least. He’s reached out once, asking if I’d be okay with sending him money for furniture removal (which I’ve already been doing) and telling me his only “free” day would be the weekend after I’ve left the country.

Despite my time here coming to an end, I’ve not had the energy or mental space to spend with my friends. I feel like the breakup is occupying most of my mind, and on top of that planning a move and dismantling our house alone.

I’ve not been exercising, I’ve been sleeping badly, I’ve not been eating very well. I’m tired 24/7. My work has suffered too, I’ve not been able to focus or deliver results as well as I usually do. I’ve not been the most social either. I’ve been at home for weeks packing things up slowly, doing repairs, cleaning etc. I’m trying not to feel guilty about pushing myself to take care of myself better, but I do. I know if I did things to take care of myself I’d feel better physically, but I feel so worn out that I just can’t.

Will this get easier / better? Right now it feels like I’m just stuck in mud. I feel like my physical body has taken a huge toll going through this. I want to believe I’ll eventually get out of this stump, but it’s hard to feel optimistic right now.