Post Assessment Depression

I did the biggest chunk of my assessment last week. I still have a few questionnaires to do at home. I think ultimately I will be fine with whatever outcome this has, but I have been pretty majorly depressed for the last week since my 5 hour session. My therapist doesn’t really want my alcoholic mom to do any of the paperwork for my assessment, so she suggested last week maybe I ask a friend to do a more peer type questionnaire. I asked my group of best friends that I lived with in college and they don’t feel like they know me well enough? That those questionnaires are for partners and we haven’t lived together since college so they aren’t qualified. Mind you, we’re all in a group chat and talk almost daily for over 10 years. I have known them for nearly 20.

I am just heartbroken thinking I have been paying attention to the little details of everyone around me my entire life but nobody has ever really paid much attention to me. Nobody except my dog really knows me and I am reminded of how starved I have been for deep human connection my whole life. I have lived alone for 11 years, and I am suddenly terrified that nobody really knows me.

What do you do when the only person willing to help with your assessment is your little brother and your therapist said he can’t do it?