How to stop thinking of him?

i knew him for not even 4 weeks. it’s been 6 months since we first met, and radio silent since I blew it up.

today I slipped, I revisited the memory of our first kiss- and it felt like I was in his arms again.

am I crazy? why do I still torture myself over a man I barely knew? why do I think of a man that clearly wants nothing to do with me, that made me lose control and lose my sense of self? is there something wrong with me?

its not for lack of trying. everyday I fill my time with distractions to avoid thinking of him, and when I fail I relentlessly bombard myself with reality checks: “he blocked you” “he hasn’t reached out” “you barely knew him” “you weren’t anything with him” “he was possessive” “you hated the obsession” “you hated who you were with him” “you’re only thinking of him bc you missing yearning for someone”. and it works and I feel better, but it always creeps back. like theres this un-dying secret hope that he’d come back. thats what several friends and family said when I was seeing him; “maybe he’s someone you’ll be with in the future, but not now” as if that made any sense?! (but thats not possible anymore bc I ended it in a catastrophic way)

How do I kill the idea? How do I move on when he made me hate everyone else? I feel like being a lonely cat lady the rest of my life is my only option here. I miss having a peaceful mind free from longing