My thoughts tonight after putting to sleep my dog yesterday , anyone with guidance on how to cope, let me know

I feel at times numb.

I feel at times broken.

I feel at times mad.

I also feel like not feeling at times.

As I drive around town, this place isn’t the same as it was 24 hours ago. I look at every corner and see you walking next to me, happy, wagging your tail. So curious about life, living so carefree. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize how important those moments were — not just for you, but for me. I am so sorry.

At times, I feel like I’ve failed you, like I gave up on you. I can still feel your fur on my face. The feeling of kissing your head. Giving you massages. I remember all the times we spent together when we were both younger — you laying on my stomach while playing with your toys. You had so much energy to give. You loved us so much. You always gave me so much love. There wasn’t a single time when I came home that you didn’t come running and jumping in excitement to see me.

I miss you. So much.

I really hope that you felt loved in your last moments. You deserved more time. It feels hollow. It feels wrong. Today I woke up realizing that the nightmare wasn’t over. Not only that, but that it’s never going to be over.

I love you so much, my love, Olaf. You are forever a part of my heart — a heart that’s now incomplete.

You will never run next to me again.

You will never get to feel the summer sun on your fur.

You will never get to lay next to the fire pit with us.

You will never get to run into the woods with my brother.

I know they say to remember the good times, but the good times — they hurt. And I feel guilty whenever I have an ounce of joy. Why would I? You aren’t here anymore.

I don’t even know where you are. Are you at peace? Are you surrounded by the love you deserve?

I wish I could just rewind to yesterday, when I was laying down next to you. Kissing you. Hugging you.

Life will never be the same without you.

My love, Olaf… Always. 🤍