I think I’m starting to hate my boyfriend

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about four months. Last month I went on a trip and something just shifted in me. I realised I actually really liked being alone, for no real reason. Since then I’ve been questioning everything.

Before that, I was already getting irritated. I’ve told him not to speak to people about our relationship and he still does it. When I bring it up, he says I’m making it more serious than it is. That really bothers me because I want someone who actually listens instead of brushing things off.

Another thing is the future. When I picture my life, I genuinely can’t see him in it. He’s not in school right now and doesn’t have a job. I know he’s trying, but I’m working towards bigger things and I want someone on my level who pushes me to do better. I’m not trying to be boastful, I just know what I want.

I thought maybe it was just a phase, but it’s been four weeks and the feeling hasn’t gone away. I’ve realised I don’t think I ever really loved him. I liked the idea of him at the time. Even when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I wasn’t fully sure. I just said yes impulsively.

He’s genuinely a nice person. He takes care of me, buys me things, and he’s understanding. That’s what makes this harder because I don’t want to hurt him. But we’re very different. Different values, different lifestyles, different friends. The places he’s comfortable in aren’t really my scene.

Honestly, I feel like we were better as friends. Sometimes I even cringe at the thought of him in a romantic way, which makes me feel terrible for even thinking that.

He’s also a bit immature, which is hard because he’s older than me. I feel like I’m constantly playing the mother role. Sometimes I can’t tell if he’s acting clueless or just being lazy because he knows I’ll figure things out for him.

I don’t hate him. I just don’t think we align. I also feel more natural and comfortable being single. I think that’s just my personality. I’m not planning to take relationships seriously until I’m around 20 and actually date to marry. For context, I’m 18.

I don’t know if that’s enough of a reason to walk away