I guess i will just be alone forever

The only friend i still talk with treats me like a therapist and no longer replies to my texts unless the conversation is about him. My mother told my brother i have depression, something i took years to confess to her, and she just told it to him, even though i had told her how hard it was for me to confess that. It's not the first time she tells him something i told her and she wasn't supposed to share. I never dated anyone. I probably never will. I'm terrified of sex and i'm probably a lesbian, so no one will ever want me and i will never feel comfortable enough with someone to want them.

I go to the Kingdom Hall every week and even though people there treat me nicely, i can't feel comfortable with them. I can't make friends there because i feel like a phony. And the ones i make online or irl i can never keep.

I don't blame them. I feel so disgusted at myself that sometimes i can barely look in the mirror. I think back of the past and i remember how everyone used to have such high hopes for me, and then i turned out this way. No one will help me. I know only i can help myself. But everytime i try to change something happens and it's like i'm twelve again. It's like i never left that age. My mother told me i sometimes act like a twelve years old. I agree.