Regrets not breastfeeding?

13 weeks PP, FTM. I’ve been finding myself thinking more how much I should have tried to breastfeed. Thinking would my emotional connection to my LO be better? Would I be a better mom aside from the sleep deprivation?

We wanted to combo feed, we tried to get express colostrum before she came. She was a smidge early, born a day shy from 38 weeks. Milk wasn’t in right away so she was FF. Day 5 PP we went to a PP appointment where they helped with BF, which she latched no problem, I had some milk. I tried pumping and BF from then but I had a lot of anxiety in my chest everytime. I got disappointed everytime I would pump for 30 mins and got nothing one breast and minimal (20 drops) the other, or next time it would be the opposite breast.

I gave up about 2 weeks after, I wanted to give up earlier than that but my partner kept encouraging me. Which I’m happy he did.

Feel like I should have kept going and now I feel almost this regret feeling. Like she is healthy and happy. But could she have been more close to me, a better connect for me or for me?

Has anyone felt this way? I almost am envious of some of my mom friends that was able to easily. But I also think of the schedule with BF and pumping and I’m glad I didn’t?

Weird headspace I’m in.