Idk what life means

I thought I found the best person ever that I wanted to spend my life with, been through a lot of breakups before but this feels different, like I lost my meaning for life I don’t have anymore joy but I’m happy if she is happier without me, I just can’t find the point in living or doing anything anymore, I’ve had a few suicidal thoughts, its for me so I don’t have to live and suffer like this anymore, I love her so much and don’t think I can love anyone else like that.