To love and lost

For you to call me while intoxicated to tell me your feelings subconsciously that you liked me after 2+ years. To hate me to know I was untouchable in your words. For 2 years, I kept my distance and pledged loyalty to my husband of 4 years. To not give you my love because I was married and for 2 years your feelings went from hatred to love, ultimately to nothing just desire. After being separated and in shock from my husband's affair. I ran to you with the feelings I had, finally free of a partner of abuse and cheating with the divorce finalized. I planned a date my treat to tell you everything on my mind but you stood me up. You lied and said you had a flat tire. When we encountered again "You said there was nothing more to talk about." .I understand but I ran off crying. After all the time you called me a month later to take me on a date. The best date, I ever had. To tell me your feelings have died and I kept you in the dark by not telling you I was married. I hurt you and I know. I should have communicated but distance was all I know. I fantasied of you and desire you for 2 years to be on my mind for so long to run to you. Your face, your soft eyes, the way your voice softens. You hair a river of black and your eyes a brown so lovely that it reminds me of chocolate. Your hands grazing my cheeks and I'll never forget when you wiped my eyes when I was tired and going through it during hard times. Your gaze smoldering and loving. To be with you and it was my fault in the end. I should have communicated. You said let's try and maybe my feelings would come back. I'm sorry, my Angel of Monday. I will say a thousand sorrys for as long as I can. I ruined what feelings you have. You gave me a chance and I'm thankful. It hurts your feelings are gone but it hurt more about what I did to you. All because I failed to communicate. Sorry, my love. I have love and I have lost.