Women's sexual wellness media gives me the ick

My boyfriend and I have been having sexual issues since getting back together a year ago, and sometimes look up advice from people in similar predicaments. The biggest resources that have come up have been websites OMGYes, Beducated, and Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are. I finally decided to check them out and yeah...nah.

For Come As You Are, I only read a preview of the first chapter and it felt a bit condescending, like I was being talked to like a child. I haven't read the rest of the book but that already told me enough.

For OMGYes and Beducated, both sites are pretty different in their approach to educating you about female sexual pleasure but their vibe was the same. Sex positivity in a very pastel-y, pop feminist, therapeutic, and holistic way. It's an aesthetic that I have noticed in other media regarding women's sexual wellness/health that I have always found incredibly unsexy. The worse offender was Beducated, where they have videos of people demonstrating oral sex on fruit (oranges and dragonfruit to be more precise, ugh). It makes me not want to do anything they advise with my boyfriend, even if it might be beneficial for us.

I think it's because I have spent over the past decade in counseling for past sexual trauma that I'm just over that kind of approach. Now that doesn't mean I'm stopping therapy, I'm actually thinking of finding an actual sex therapist for myself (for the record, my boyfriend is also in therapy). It's just that I want to have a boundary between those two spaces - not mash them together. I want to talk to a real human being, not rely on a website.

Plus resources like this, with their graphs, statistics, demonstrations, take the raw and primal instinct out of sex. The in-the-moment awkwardness where you just do whatever feels good at the moment, even when you don't know why. It just does. The type of sex that isn't exactly political correct. Where toys aren't always a part of the equation (and I do love me some sex toys lol).

It makes female pleasure feel like a science experiment rather than a genuine human experience. I mean, female pleasure is already complicated as fuck, why do we have to make it worse? I just want to get off, not do worksheets or play with an interactive vajayjay!

Now, if any of these things helped you and your partner, great! That's awesome and I'm glad that they have. But I don't think any of these things are for me and I wish that female sexual wellness media could sometimes stop trying to hold our hands like we're fragile creatures.