I completely have no connections in this world..

this is my first time “venting” here so I am sorry for all the mistakes I make since english is not my native language. I am 17 and first off I’d like to say that my parents are completely emotionally unavailable and abusive in many ways. I never formed any close family bond between them. today to me they are just people that live under the same roof as me. they never tried to understand me or actually take care of me, neglected me. they never cared about my frequent relapses, my mental health or anything else for that matter. I used to struggle with so much and they would never care even if i publicly announced to them that I wanted to kill myself. a good example would be that even when they found out that i smoke they basically immediately thought that i was a druggie, drugtested me (their argument was that I never come out of my room and don’t talk to them) and even installed a goddamn camera in my room without me knowing and there was much much worse coming from their side. I felt like I was going completely insane since this was my only way to cope. I fear there are many other horrible things they’ve done to me, but aside from this this isn’t the main thing I’m writing about, but that I genuinely feel so lonely I don’t know how to cope anymore. I have no love coming from my parents and I crave it so much, I feel extremely jealous when I see people actually having meaningful connections with their parents and siblings. while mine on the other hand completely neglected me my whole life and provoked me by saying they regret having me. I was antisocial my whole life while this summer I actually tried to make friends this summer apart from my school friends (who don’t even consider me a friend while i used to before) and it was going great I genuinely felt happy for the first time, I was genuinely trying so hard to replace the unreceived love from my parents with the love from my friends. but in the end I always end up alone.. these friends of mine that I tried making they are only acquaintances to me I suppose, I consider them a friend but they do not consider me like that. I used to always be the one to reach out, to always be positive even though I thought like everything was falling apart. but I just feel nobody actually wants me around but I genuinely crave human connection so bad, I want to be loved, I want to be missed, I want to be told that I’m loved. and i never received that while I always try my best to let other people know they’re loved. I really need advice because I fear I may relapse soon and I have found myself in this depressive state again where everything is going bad again.