How do I (20F) help my boyfriend (20M) w/ BPD who’s constantly insecure?

Hello,

I’m sure this has been asked before but I desperately need advice for my situation.

My boyfriend was in one relationship before me that lasted 2 years. He was abused and cheated on constantly. This obviously left some trauma and he’s aware and has told me he can be insecure.

The longer we’ve been dating the worse his insecurity has gotten. I was on the phone with my dad and he thought I was talking to a guy and telling said “guy” I couldn’t hang out (because my boyfriend and I were on a date) and that maybe I could another time. In reality I was telling my dad we’d pay him a visit another time because my boyfriend and I were on a date and it was late.

There’s been two instances where he’s told me he has something to talk about with me and that he noticed certain things that made him insecure, then proceeded to not tell me what those things were. To this day, I don’t know what I did or said and I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of it. It came down to me pouring his friend a shot one time. Keep in mind I poured everyone else a shot as well. But like I said, I still don’t know. He told me that even if I tried to reassure him, he “noticed too many things” and I “wouldn’t be able to help my case”.

There’s been so many other instances I can’t list them all. I stopped texting one of my gay male friends because my boyfriend didn’t like it; little things like that.

I can’t seem to help him because he won’t let me. I try so hard. I told him I’d call my dad and confirm I was in fact on the phone with my dad on our date and he said it wouldn’t help him. I’ve told him he can go through my phone whenever. I reassure him constantly. He doesn’t believe a word I say. I told him multiple times I would never cheat on him (we’ve had so many conversations about this and we feel so similarly to boundaries and things like that). I told him I love him and he said he believes that but nothing else. I don’t know what to do.

I love him so deeply and it’s beginning to hurt me that he doesn’t trust me. I’ve been so understanding considering his past relationship. I’ve been cheated on and gone through trauma as well, I’m also highly emotional because of my anxiety disorder and birth control hormones, but I trust him and I’ve never brought up anything I overthink about because I know it’s not true and I talk myself out of my overthinking. I’m not trying to compare our situations but I’ve been through things too and I overthink often but like I said I genuinely am choosing to trust him and I do.

He’s said before that he trusts me and he finds that scary. I feel for him so much and I’m trying so hard to find anything to help him but he refuses anything and my words don’t help.

Him and I talk daily and he has my Life360. I have college 3 days out of the week and most of the time the remainder of the week I’m either with him or with my best friend who he knows. If not that, I’m at home. He knows where I am and what I’m doing literally all the time. He has his face ID in my phone and can go through it whenever. But it’s always something. He genuinely will believe I’m hiding something.

This was kind of a vent, probably missed some points, but I don’t know what to do. Thanks for any advice!