I think my gender dysphoria might be caused by CPTSD

First and foremost, I am not saying all people with gender dysphoria have CPTSD, but I think my own gender dysphoria is caused by CPTSD.

I’ve had GD since I was 8-10 years old, looking back on it as an adult it was extremely bad, I almost mutilated myself but thankfully something in my brain stopped me. From 11-22 I became extremely repressed because my parents shamed/bullied me to the point that I would ignore it as much as possible and honestly it wasn’t too bad majority of the time. At 22 the GD came back, and now at 28 it’s even worse.

I just… I have a weird feeling that I’m only feeling GD again because I hate myself. I hate myself so so so much. I will never be enough for this world, I was never enough for my parents, and I feel like I’m not for myself.

I feel like I’ve reached such a deep level of self hatred that I’m latching onto my former-GD as a way to become something that I’m not. That maybe if I change my gender/name/personality/etc. that maybe I can finally be happy.

But I know that’s delusional. I know I’m still going to be the same person inside. I know that no matter what I do I will hate myself.

Idk. I know transitioning isn’t going to make me happy. Maybe I really do have genuine GD, but I’m so broken that I’ll never be able to do anything about it. Who knows, I can’t tell anymore. I for sure had it from ages 8-10, I just couldn’t figure anything out because my parents made me hate myself for that too.