Need help

Due to some super bad life style choices I’ve made for the couple of past years, I’ve grown incredibly worried about breast cancer and have been encouraged to keep a look out for any changes.

You already know the issue, I cannot stand to look or touch myself. I haven’t looked at my chest for 8 years, I crouch in front of mirrors when going into the shower, I barely touch my chest and the idea of being made to look and touch myself makes me physically sick.

Unfortunately I’m in a position where I can’t transition, so looking at my body Is just another reminder of how I’ll never get to have the body I’m supposed to be in.

Anywho, I could really, really use some encouraging words or advice on how I can become more comfortable with checking myself for lumps, changes and other symptoms, also getting comfortable being checked by a professional.