Don't ignore plzz, scroll hi to kr rhe ho..🫠

I am a dropper. I was a good student. I met this girl in my institute when I was in 11th (dec 23). so till next year i.e. oct 25 we were talking late nights, hours and hours, each detailing of our days, flirty texts but no one confessed even if we both knew what it is.but suddenly after oct (diwali break) (we normally text less due to studies but it was a unsaid rule that we will chat for hours if it is a holiday) she started pulling back. cold and late replies. Then I felt like someone tilted my world upside down.

I went into procrastination and overthinking and practically was unable to get back my momentum to study after that break while she kept doing better and kept messaging me whenever she wishes to do some formal chat like just to keep me hooked

But after mid dec 25 she said let's have a break to which I didn't asked why and just said okay but even then after like 10-12 days she just popped up again and started chatting like why I am behaving different or why am I pulling back to which I just dodged casually ((cause I felt like I am constantly talking to a person who no longer believes in me to share her thoughts and just kept asking me aur batao..)

I was interested in her but It was also like talking to someone who just don't want to but still have to talk to you like late replies and ghosting. so I decided that lets go on like this (maybe this is due to our exams) (maybe she would do better after) but then we get our mains done and she got 97 smthng while I fkd up and got 76 percentile.

Then I went to my home after boards and started studying for 2nd attempt totally frustrated and exhausted and blocked her for sometime and then I made the worst decision (i unblocked her to say all the best for her cs boards) which to my surprise she responded nicely asked about my well being and studies , we had a formal chat there and then again I went on give mains 2nd attempt again dealing with that fuckup inside my head I could score only 86 while she again went on to score 98.smthng

so I thought to let's give a last try for jee advanced i again practiced at home for it and failed it while she kept texting or kept responding to my texts as per her convenience, and to my surprise she also failed advance and later on went in a NIT. while I took a drop.

So after I took drop i started to resent her and tried (or atleast i think this) to ignore her but she kept coming back again and again so often she even started responding better again . i was already dealing with so much in my mind with my parents and scores and her memories, that I saw her as a support person who could help me do better but after some.months I told her that I would be leaving all social media to focus on studies and i she wants to call me she could call(which she never did) she texted me consistently after every 10-15 days and we had a formal chat

she kept messaging me at random occasion like bdday , festival or new year to which I responded but could never extend it as a wholesome chat(which any dropper being lonely as fuck would like to do very much) because of her habit of ghosting after 2 or 3 messages which just kills the vibe of another person who is waiting. so recently she asked about when my mains is and i told her , and one day before my mains she said 'all the best and keep your head cool everything would be fine.' but after that I did the mains and tried to talk to her but she again played her trick(continued chat but went to ignore or just pretended that i didn't exist after 10 Message or smthng(i once told her also that atleast you should tell me that you are busy so I won't bother myself) but nvm

In this session I got 97 percentile but as I don't have any friends left now , who should I tell and have some fun talk...

i thought that atleast she would ask me after my results but it's just like that she just didn't care. telling my results without her asking would definitely feel like boasting of which I don't like to do.(I know it's not a percentile to boast of but it is smthng for me as it improved from last year).

she still visits me in my dream but I don't think that she has those feelings left for me anymore

why do people who once felt like you are their whole world leave you like you are nothing.

i still get thoughts of her reaching back to me and telling her feelings which I know would never happen

But anyways thanks to you for reading this far, sorry for my grammer mistakes, i wish that you could do ACE in whatever exams you are targeting.

plz don't give me hate comments as I have that a lot

if you could give me some advice then you are more then welcome.

tldr:Talked to a girl for almost 2 years (late night chats, mutual feelings but never confessed). After she suddenly became cold and inconsistent. That emotional shift wrecked my JEE prep — while she went to an NIT. I took a drop, she kept randomly back into my life This year I improved to 97 percentile, but she didn’t even ask about my result. I’m still emotionally attached and confused about how someone who once felt so close can act like you’re nothing